HEADLINES DELIVERED FRESH WITH EXTRA CHEESE AND NO NAPKINS! Recollections: The Typo War (Parts II & III) Walter Winkwink September 2, 2025 Taylor Swift’s Engagement Ring Revealed to Be Ancient Alien Artifact That Controls Weather Walter Winkwink August 30, 2025 High School Freshman Scores First Boyfriend, Dad Forgets How to Breathe Walter Winkwink August 28, 2025 Another Year, Another Chance to Blame the Refs Walter Winkwink August 26, 2025 “Going Out of Business” Signs: The Most Reliable Part of 2025 Walter Winkwink August 23, 2025 Richest 1% Accidentally Buy Entire Concept of Hope, Jack Up Price Walter Winkwink August 20, 2025 Recollections: The Typo War (Parts II & III) September 2, 2025 Taylor Swift’s Engagement Ring Revealed to Be Ancient Alien Artifact That Controls Weather August 30, 2025 High School Freshman Scores First Boyfriend, Dad Forgets How to Breathe August 28, 2025 Another Year, Another Chance to Blame the Refs August 26, 2025RECENTISH HEADLINES “Going Out of Business” Signs: The Most Reliable Part of 2025 August 23, 2025 Richest 1% Accidentally Buy Entire Concept of Hope, Jack Up Price August 20, 2025 Pop-Up Storm Forms After Local Man Says “It’ll Blow Over” August 17, 2025 Netflix Greenlights 14-Hour Movie Where Ryan Gosling Slowly Assembles IKEA Bookshelf August 12, 2025 Burger King Introduces “Emotional Support Whopper” for People Who Cry in Drive-Thrus August 9, 2025 Research Shows: Plugging in Phone Helps Battery Last Longer August 6, 2025 Air Quality at Crisis Levels: Authorities Attribute to Canadian Fires, Witnesses Whisper Otherwise August 3, 2025 The Louisiana Purchase Was Just Thomas Jefferson’s Attempt to One-Up a Neighbor’s Lawn July 31, 2025 Recollections: The Typo War (Part I) July 29, 2025 Smart Fridge Gains Sentience, Refuses to Open Unless Owner Apologizes for 2AM Cheese Incident July 26, 2025 Tesla Diner Grand Opening Marred After Robot Waiters Mistake Customers for Trash July 24, 2025 Pickleball Panic: Is This “Sport” a Government Psy-Op to Track Boomers? July 22, 2025 Pamprin “Changed My Life,” Says Man Who Thought Menstrual Was a Spice July 19, 2025WHERE SARCASM GOES SOCIAL FacebookX/TwitterInstagramYouTubePinterestTECHNOLOGY Smart Fridge Gains Sentience, Refuses to Open Unless Owner Apologizes for 2AM Cheese Incident July 26, 2025 Google Flags Fictional Story as Low-Quality Content Without Keywords, Bullet Points July 5, 2025 Google’s AI Summaries: The CliffNotes That Forgot the Cliffs…and the Notes June 23, 2025 Self-Driving Car Tests Michigan Roads, Immediately Files for Retirement April 5, 2025 World’s First AI Therapist Refuses to Treat Humans; Claims We’re Too Complicated March 20, 2025 BlurLife: New App Lets You Blur Reality Like a Zoom Background March 14, 2025 Facebook Introduces “Honesty” Feature: Automatically Deletes All Posts January 30, 2025 New App Lets You Virtually Punch Your Annoying Neighbor January 9, 2025 Santa’s Naughty List Data Breach: Parents Outraged Over Leaked Behavior Reports December 22, 2024ENTERTAINMENT Taylor Swift’s Engagement Ring Revealed to Be Ancient Alien Artifact That Controls Weather August 30, 2025 Netflix Greenlights 14-Hour Movie Where Ryan Gosling Slowly Assembles IKEA Bookshelf August 12, 2025 New Netflix Series Just 10 Episodes of People Deciding What to Watch on Netflix July 1, 2025 Disney’s Snow White Remake: Seven Dwarfs File for Unemployment Amid CGI Takeover March 18, 2025 Disney Cruise Unveils New “Gratuity Genie” Service: Rub Your Wallet for Extra Magic January 27, 2025 The Joke’s on Us: Elon Musk’s Attempt to Rocket into Stand-Up Comedy January 24, 2025BUSINESS “Going Out of Business” Signs: The Most Reliable Part of 2025 August 23, 2025 Richest 1% Accidentally Buy Entire Concept of Hope, Jack Up Price August 20, 2025 Tesla Diner Grand Opening Marred After Robot Waiters Mistake Customers for Trash July 24, 2025 Luxury Subterranean Real Estate: Now with Enhanced Ventilation! June 24, 2025 Welcome to the Company! Here’s Your Pay Cut and a Mug That Says “Teamwork” May 23, 2025 Back from the Jungle, Straight into a Desert of Attention Spans May 20, 2025 Primate Journalists Mistake Office Shredder for Fax Machine, Lose Pulitzer-worthy Story May 17, 2025 Luxury Bunker Sales Soar as Billionaires Prepare for “Peasant Uprising 2025” May 14, 2025 Musk Announces “Tesla Vandalism Loyalty Program”: Key Five Cars, Get a Free Subscription to X Premium March 30, 2025SPORTS Another Year, Another Chance to Blame the Refs August 26, 2025 Pickleball Panic: Is This “Sport” a Government Psy-Op to Track Boomers? July 22, 2025 Field of Screams: Why My Seat Was Too Close to the Whistle Guy June 20, 2025 This is the NBA Finals; If Your Calf Hurts, Try Using the Other One June 19, 2025 Man in Physical Pain Insists “It’s Totally Worth It” After Diving for Ball No One Asked Him To June 18, 2025GALACTICAL New Telescope Detects Parallel Universe Where Everyone Still Has AOL Email and Flip Phones July 10, 2025 Divine, Dank, and Deep-Fried: Blue Origin Announces Its Most Relatable Space Crew Yet April 17, 2025 Mars Colonization Plan Hits Snag as Martians Sue U.S. for Trespassing on ‘Ancient Martian Ancestral Land’ February 3, 2025 Aliens Abandon Diplomatic Mission After Meeting Earth’s Top Candidates January 14, 2025 Discovery of “Tipped Over” Black Hole: Universe’s Drunk Uncle Finally Found December 28, 2024LIFESTYLE Research Shows: Plugging in Phone Helps Battery Last Longer August 6, 2025 Pamprin “Changed My Life,” Says Man Who Thought Menstrual Was a Spice July 19, 2025 Billionaires Lobby for “Income Inequality Appreciation Day” National Holiday June 28, 2025 Blessed Be the Bud: Confused Pastor Quotes Snoop Instead of Scripture April 20, 2025 Burned Out, Broke, and Buzzing on Foam: A Wink Report Editorial April 14, 2025YOU MAY HAVE MISSED REVIEW: Borcher’s AuSable Canoe & Kayak; The River Ride That Ruined My Career in Competitive Lounging July 17, 2025 One Year of Wink: We Blinked and a Year Winked By July 15, 2025 New Telescope Detects Parallel Universe Where Everyone Still Has AOL Email and Flip Phones July 10, 2025 Recollections: The Whispering Typewriter July 7, 2025 Google Flags Fictional Story as Low-Quality Content Without Keywords, Bullet Points July 5, 2025 Emergency Alert System Now Just Screams “MOIST!” Every 20 Minutes July 3, 2025Share this nonsense: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X More Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email Click to print (Opens in new window) Print Like this:Like Loading...
