HEADLINES DELIVERED FRESH WITH EXTRA CHEESE AND NO NAPKINS! We’ve Eliminated Cash to Simplify Your Payment…By Adding a Fee Walter Winkwink November 11, 2025 Elon Musk Now Makes More Per Day Than Most Countries, But Sure, Tell Me to Budget Better Walter Winkwink November 8, 2025 Milky Way Rebrands as “Oat Milk Galaxy” to Attract Younger Demographics Walter Winkwink November 5, 2025 Remote Employee Claims to Hear Whale Song Outside His Window, Coworkers Confirm He Might Be Living in Bikini Bottom Walter Winkwink November 3, 2025 Pumpkin Spice Outbreak Reaches Midwest Sewage Systems Walter Winkwink November 1, 2025 New “Trick-or-Treat Prime” App Lets Kids Order Candy Without Leaving the House Walter Winkwink October 30, 2025 We’ve Eliminated Cash to Simplify Your Payment…By Adding a Fee November 11, 2025 Elon Musk Now Makes More Per Day Than Most Countries, But Sure, Tell Me to Budget Better November 8, 2025 Milky Way Rebrands as “Oat Milk Galaxy” to Attract Younger Demographics November 5, 2025 Remote Employee Claims to Hear Whale Song Outside His Window, Coworkers Confirm He Might Be Living in Bikini Bottom November 3, 2025RECENTISH HEADLINES Pumpkin Spice Outbreak Reaches Midwest Sewage Systems November 1, 2025 New “Trick-or-Treat Prime” App Lets Kids Order Candy Without Leaving the House October 30, 2025 Spirit Halloween Opens Store Inside Abandoned Spirit Halloween October 28, 2025 AWS Outage Plunges World Into Chaos as Humans Forget How to Human Without Wi-Fi October 26, 2025 Everything Costs Money Now…Except This Madness October 18, 2025 Trickle-Down Economics Has Officially Reached the Restroom October 16, 2025 Baldwin Crashes Wife’s Car, Blames Whale-Truck and Big Fat Tree. Plot Twist: He’s Fine October 14, 2025 I Have Returned. And I Brought Vengeance. (And a Banana.) October 12, 2025 We’re Now at 72 Hours Without Walter. The Primate Journalists Are…Not Handling It Well. October 10, 2025 Crate Chronicles: Inside the Vents of the Amazon Fulfillment Hive October 7, 2025 Walter Escapes, Crate Implodes, and I’m Now Building a Bunker in the Storage Closet October 6, 2025 Crate Chronicles: Walter Sends Dispatch #7, Still in the Crate October 5, 2025 Walter Sends Dispatch #6 – Crate X Speaks October 4, 2025WHERE SARCASM GOES SOCIAL FacebookX/TwitterInstagramYouTubePinterestTECHNOLOGY New “Trick-or-Treat Prime” App Lets Kids Order Candy Without Leaving the House October 30, 2025 AWS Outage Plunges World Into Chaos as Humans Forget How to Human Without Wi-Fi October 26, 2025 Windows 10 Users Banned from Society, Forced to Live in Offline Colonies September 17, 2025 AI to Handle All Customer Complaints; Response Limited to “Have You Tried Turning Yourself Off and On Again?” September 14, 2025 Banana-Powered Cars: The Fruit-Based Future They Don’t Want You to Know About September 9, 2025 Smart Fridge Gains Sentience, Refuses to Open Unless Owner Apologizes for 2AM Cheese Incident July 26, 2025 Google Flags Fictional Story as Low-Quality Content Without Keywords, Bullet Points July 5, 2025 Google’s AI Summaries: The CliffNotes That Forgot the Cliffs…and the Notes June 23, 2025 Self-Driving Car Tests Michigan Roads, Immediately Files for Retirement April 5, 2025ENTERTAINMENT Baldwin Crashes Wife’s Car, Blames Whale-Truck and Big Fat Tree. Plot Twist: He’s Fine October 14, 2025 Taylor Swift’s Engagement Ring Revealed to Be Ancient Alien Artifact That Controls Weather August 30, 2025 Netflix Greenlights 14-Hour Movie Where Ryan Gosling Slowly Assembles IKEA Bookshelf August 12, 2025 New Netflix Series Just 10 Episodes of People Deciding What to Watch on Netflix July 1, 2025 Disney’s Snow White Remake: Seven Dwarfs File for Unemployment Amid CGI Takeover March 18, 2025 Disney Cruise Unveils New “Gratuity Genie” Service: Rub Your Wallet for Extra Magic January 27, 2025BUSINESS We’ve Eliminated Cash to Simplify Your Payment…By Adding a Fee November 11, 2025 Elon Musk Now Makes More Per Day Than Most Countries, But Sure, Tell Me to Budget Better November 8, 2025 Spirit Halloween Opens Store Inside Abandoned Spirit Halloween October 28, 2025 AWS Outage Plunges World Into Chaos as Humans Forget How to Human Without Wi-Fi October 26, 2025 I Read the Fine Print and Now I Owe Three Goats to a Toothpaste Company September 11, 2025 “Going Out of Business” Signs: The Most Reliable Part of 2025 August 23, 2025 Richest 1% Accidentally Buy Entire Concept of Hope, Jack Up Price August 20, 2025 Tesla Diner Grand Opening Marred After Robot Waiters Mistake Customers for Trash July 24, 2025 Luxury Subterranean Real Estate: Now with Enhanced Ventilation! June 24, 2025SPORTS I Ran the Numbers: This NFL Season Is Already Over September 5, 2025 Another Year, Another Chance to Blame the Refs August 26, 2025 Pickleball Panic: Is This “Sport” a Government Psy-Op to Track Boomers? July 22, 2025 Field of Screams: Why My Seat Was Too Close to the Whistle Guy June 20, 2025 This is the NBA Finals; If Your Calf Hurts, Try Using the Other One June 19, 2025GALACTICAL Milky Way Rebrands as “Oat Milk Galaxy” to Attract Younger Demographics November 5, 2025 New Telescope Detects Parallel Universe Where Everyone Still Has AOL Email and Flip Phones July 10, 2025 Divine, Dank, and Deep-Fried: Blue Origin Announces Its Most Relatable Space Crew Yet April 17, 2025 Mars Colonization Plan Hits Snag as Martians Sue U.S. for Trespassing on ‘Ancient Martian Ancestral Land’ February 3, 2025 Aliens Abandon Diplomatic Mission After Meeting Earth’s Top Candidates January 14, 2025LIFESTYLE Everything Costs Money Now…Except This Madness October 18, 2025 Trickle-Down Economics Has Officially Reached the Restroom October 16, 2025 Walter Translates the Youths: A Guide to Communicating With Modern Grunts September 26, 2025 Research Shows: Plugging in Phone Helps Battery Last Longer August 6, 2025 Pamprin “Changed My Life,” Says Man Who Thought Menstrual Was a Spice July 19, 2025YOU MAY HAVE MISSED Crate Chronicles: Walter Finds “Crate X,” and the Newsroom Implodes (Again) October 3, 2025 Crate Chronicles: The Cratequake, the Cult, and the Chaos October 2, 2025 Crate Chronicles: Walter Receives a Package Inside His Crate and May Be Starting a Religion October 1, 2025 Update: Walter Sends Second Crate Dispatch, Declares Himself Chosen by Barcode Gods September 30, 2025 Walter Winkwink Has Gone Missing…Again September 29, 2025 Walter Translates the Youths: A Guide to Communicating With Modern Grunts September 26, 2025Share this nonsense: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X More Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email Click to print (Opens in new window) Print Like this:Like Loading...
