HEADLINES DELIVERED FRESH WITH EXTRA CHEESE AND NO NAPKINS! Satirist Hospitalized After Attempting to Read the News Without Screaming bobklann@gmail.com June 26, 2025 Luxury Subterranean Real Estate: Now with Enhanced Ventilation! Walter Winkwink June 24, 2025 Google’s AI Summaries: The CliffNotes That Forgot the Cliffs…and the Notes Walter Winkwink June 23, 2025 Field of Screams: Why My Seat Was Too Close to the Whistle Guy Walter Winkwink June 20, 2025 This is the NBA Finals; If Your Calf Hurts, Try Using the Other One Walter Winkwink June 19, 2025 Man in Physical Pain Insists “It’s Totally Worth It” After Diving for Ball No One Asked Him To Walter Winkwink June 18, 2025 Satirist Hospitalized After Attempting to Read the News Without Screaming June 26, 2025 Luxury Subterranean Real Estate: Now with Enhanced Ventilation! June 24, 2025 Google’s AI Summaries: The CliffNotes That Forgot the Cliffs…and the Notes June 23, 2025 Field of Screams: Why My Seat Was Too Close to the Whistle Guy June 20, 2025RECENTISH HEADLINES This is the NBA Finals; If Your Calf Hurts, Try Using the Other One June 19, 2025 Man in Physical Pain Insists “It’s Totally Worth It” After Diving for Ball No One Asked Him To June 18, 2025 Report: 9 Out of 10 Dads Spotted Inspecting Lawns They Mowed Yesterday “Just to Be Sure” June 15, 2025 Political Jokes: “I’m Not Adding Another Log to That Dumpster Fire” June 13, 2025 Headline-Only Reader Shocked to Learn Articles Contain Actual Information May 31, 2025 Welcome to the Company! Here’s Your Pay Cut and a Mug That Says “Teamwork” May 23, 2025 Back from the Jungle, Straight into a Desert of Attention Spans May 20, 2025 Primate Journalists Mistake Office Shredder for Fax Machine, Lose Pulitzer-worthy Story May 17, 2025 Luxury Bunker Sales Soar as Billionaires Prepare for “Peasant Uprising 2025” May 14, 2025 Walter Winkwink and the Trials of the Elder Accord May 11, 2025 He’s Back: Walter Winkwink Returns with Sacred Ribbon and Just Enough Sanity to Reclaim The Wink Report May 9, 2025 Blessed Be the Bud: Confused Pastor Quotes Snoop Instead of Scripture April 20, 2025 Divine, Dank, and Deep-Fried: Blue Origin Announces Its Most Relatable Space Crew Yet April 17, 2025WHERE SARCASM GOES SOCIAL FacebookX/TwitterInstagramYouTubePinterestTECHNOLOGY Google’s AI Summaries: The CliffNotes That Forgot the Cliffs…and the Notes June 23, 2025 Self-Driving Car Tests Michigan Roads, Immediately Files for Retirement April 5, 2025 World’s First AI Therapist Refuses to Treat Humans; Claims We’re Too Complicated March 20, 2025 BlurLife: New App Lets You Blur Reality Like a Zoom Background March 14, 2025 Facebook Introduces “Honesty” Feature: Automatically Deletes All Posts January 30, 2025 New App Lets You Virtually Punch Your Annoying Neighbor January 9, 2025 Santa’s Naughty List Data Breach: Parents Outraged Over Leaked Behavior Reports December 22, 2024 Self-Checkout CEO Announces Plans to Outsource Bagging to Customers’ Children by 2025 December 12, 2024 Hydrogen is the Future: Until Musk Finds a New Favorite Element December 10, 2024ENTERTAINMENT Disney’s Snow White Remake: Seven Dwarfs File for Unemployment Amid CGI Takeover March 18, 2025 Disney Cruise Unveils New “Gratuity Genie” Service: Rub Your Wallet for Extra Magic January 27, 2025 The Joke’s on Us: Elon Musk’s Attempt to Rocket into Stand-Up Comedy January 24, 2025 Study Finds 97% of Adults Admit to Watching TV Shows They Pretend to Hate in Public January 23, 2025 When TikTok Said Goodbye, the World Said “No Cap?” TikTok Responds “Nope, Cap.” January 20, 2025 Netflix Releases 100 New Shows; Subscribers Watch Stranger Things Again January 6, 2025BUSINESS Luxury Subterranean Real Estate: Now with Enhanced Ventilation! June 24, 2025 Welcome to the Company! Here’s Your Pay Cut and a Mug That Says “Teamwork” May 23, 2025 Back from the Jungle, Straight into a Desert of Attention Spans May 20, 2025 Primate Journalists Mistake Office Shredder for Fax Machine, Lose Pulitzer-worthy Story May 17, 2025 Luxury Bunker Sales Soar as Billionaires Prepare for “Peasant Uprising 2025” May 14, 2025 Musk Announces “Tesla Vandalism Loyalty Program”: Key Five Cars, Get a Free Subscription to X Premium March 30, 2025 Elon Musk Demands 8-Day Workweek to “Optimize My Chill Time” March 23, 2025 Leaked Internal Memo: McDonald’s Staff Told to “Just Nod” If Customers Ask What’s in McRib March 10, 2025 The Forbidden Fruit: How Apple Became the Evil Overlord of Smartphones February 22, 2025SPORTS Field of Screams: Why My Seat Was Too Close to the Whistle Guy June 20, 2025 This is the NBA Finals; If Your Calf Hurts, Try Using the Other One June 19, 2025 Man in Physical Pain Insists “It’s Totally Worth It” After Diving for Ball No One Asked Him To June 18, 2025 NCAA March Madness 2025 Viewer’s Guide: How to Pretend You Understand the Bracket While Secretly Googling “What is a Seed?” March 21, 2025 Zamboni Racing League Launched After NHL Fans Admit It’s Their Favorite Part of the Game February 17, 2025GALACTICAL Divine, Dank, and Deep-Fried: Blue Origin Announces Its Most Relatable Space Crew Yet April 17, 2025 Mars Colonization Plan Hits Snag as Martians Sue U.S. for Trespassing on ‘Ancient Martian Ancestral Land’ February 3, 2025 Aliens Abandon Diplomatic Mission After Meeting Earth’s Top Candidates January 14, 2025 Discovery of “Tipped Over” Black Hole: Universe’s Drunk Uncle Finally Found December 28, 2024 NASA Spots Intergalactic “Help Wanted” Ad from a Neighboring Galaxy – Apparently, They’re Hiring Earthlings November 25, 2024LIFESTYLE Blessed Be the Bud: Confused Pastor Quotes Snoop Instead of Scripture April 20, 2025 Burned Out, Broke, and Buzzing on Foam: A Wink Report Editorial April 14, 2025 Abe Lincoln’s Stovepipe Top Hat Was Just a Portable Snack Dispenser April 9, 2025 Survey Finds 80% of Parents’ Vocabulary Consists of “Because I Said So” April 7, 2025 Wife’s Psychic Abilities Confirmed After Husband Forgets to Read Her Mind Again April 3, 2025YOU MAY HAVE MISSED Burned Out, Broke, and Buzzing on Foam: A Wink Report Editorial April 14, 2025 FDA Finally Admits: Everything Tastes Better with a Sprinkle of Denial April 11, 2025 Abe Lincoln’s Stovepipe Top Hat Was Just a Portable Snack Dispenser April 9, 2025 Survey Finds 80% of Parents’ Vocabulary Consists of “Because I Said So” April 7, 2025 Self-Driving Car Tests Michigan Roads, Immediately Files for Retirement April 5, 2025 Wife’s Psychic Abilities Confirmed After Husband Forgets to Read Her Mind Again April 3, 2025Share this nonsense: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X More Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email Click to print (Opens in new window) Print Like this:Like Loading...
