Walter Winkwink

Costco shopper with an overloaded cart is stopped by an Adult Supervision Specialist while holding a short shopping list.

Costco Introduces New Membership Tier Where Employee Follows You Around and Stops You From Buying Stupid Stuff

August 30, 2026

Office worker wearing a headset smiles at his desk as a green gas cloud spreads behind him and disgusted coworkers react.

How to Fart at Work: A Professional Guide to Passing Gas Without Destroying Your Career

August 26, 2026

Walter Winkwink, Bob Klann, and the exhausted Wink Report newsroom staff emerge from a massive underground tunnel beneath a sprawling data center complex at night. Endless cables snake across the muddy ground and up the hillside while flickering server lights glow inside the tunnel. The team is exhausted after weeks underground. A rusted warning sign reading “THE FEED NEVER SLEEPS” hangs beside the tunnel entrance as the group walks toward society under a dark, stormy sky.

The Wink Report Returns After The Second Summons

A confused man stands in a kitchen holding a plate of scrambled eggs and pancakes in one hand and a large container of colonoscopy prep liquid in the other, with warm lighting on one side and cool clinical lighting on the other.

THE WINK REPORT PRESENTS:THE OFFICIAL WALTER WINKWINK COLONOSCOPY SURVIVAL GUIDE

A shocked couple at a grocery store checkout stares at a register screen showing a small number of items and an extremely high total, while the cashier looks unfazed.

Nation Agrees Everything Is Too Expensive, Immediately Does Nothing About It

Man grilling burgers while standing in waist-deep floodwater in a Michigan neighborhood as cars drive through flooded street behind him

Michigan Introduces New “Guess Which Road Is Still There” Driving Game After Flooding

Close-up of a smartphone displaying an article with a notification at the top that reads “You enjoyed this,” while a person holds the device in a softly lit indoor setting.

Amazon Introduces “Auto-Enjoy™” Feature for Content You Haven’t Read Yet

Church congregation during Easter service distracted by candy and chocolate bunnies while a pastor speaks at the pulpit

Church Confirms Jesus “Definitely Not Competing” With Chocolate Sales This Year

Abandoned warehouse press event with a torn “Amazon x The Wink Report Strategic Partnership” banner, overturned chairs, scattered papers, banana peels on the floor, and a podium with microphones and bananas in the foreground.

Amazon Cancels The Wink Report Acquisition After “Creative Differences” Over “Truth”

Walter Winkwink shakes hands with a corporate executive during a warehouse press event under a banner reading “Amazon x The Wink Report Strategic Partnership,” while primate journalists and staff watch in the background.

Amazon Acquires The Wink Report in All-Stock Deal, Promises “Synergized Absurdity at Scale”