Business News

Close-up of a smartphone displaying an article with a notification at the top that reads “You enjoyed this,” while a person holds the device in a softly lit indoor setting.

Amazon Introduces “Auto-Enjoy™” Feature for Content You Haven’t Read Yet

April 7, 2026

Abandoned warehouse press event with a torn “Amazon x The Wink Report Strategic Partnership” banner, overturned chairs, scattered papers, banana peels on the floor, and a podium with microphones and bananas in the foreground.

Amazon Cancels The Wink Report Acquisition After “Creative Differences” Over “Truth”

April 3, 2026

Walter Winkwink shakes hands with a corporate executive during a warehouse press event under a banner reading “Amazon x The Wink Report Strategic Partnership,” while primate journalists and staff watch in the background.

Amazon Acquires The Wink Report in All-Stock Deal, Promises “Synergized Absurdity at Scale”

April 2, 2026

An office desk buried under towering stacks of paperwork and binders labeled with redundant report titles, including “An Official Report on Official Reports,” “Appendix Appendex,” and “Reports About Reports,” surrounded by sticky notes, crumpled paper, pens, glasses, and a coffee mug labeled “Report Manager.”

Department of Redundancy Department Releases Redundant Report (Again)

January 14, 2026

Four coworkers wearing Santa hats and name tags hold beers at a brewery, smiling awkwardly during an office holiday party.

Office Holiday Parties Rebranded as “Mandatory Cheer Compliance Events”

December 15, 2025

Four shocked Christmas elves in festive outfits stare wide-eyed at a laptop screen in a cozy North Pole workshop.

Mrs. Claus Starts OnlyFans to Fund Elf Pension Plan

December 11, 2025

A young cashier at a trendy smoothie shop looks serious behind a point-of-sale system displaying a $1.79 convenience fee, with a sign reading “NO CASH. NO EXCEPTIONS. NO MERCY” on the wall and a colorful smoothie on the counter.

We’ve Eliminated Cash to Simplify Your Payment…By Adding a Fee

November 11, 2025

Elon Musk lounges in a futuristic white sleep pod aboard a yacht at dusk, smirking with his eyes closed. A Tesla rocket labeled “Quiet the Noise” launches outside the window, and a glowing digital display above his head shows his net worth as $491.4 billion.

Elon Musk Now Makes More Per Day Than Most Countries, But Sure, Tell Me to Budget Better

November 8, 2025