News

Veronica Conspiranza in a pickleball uniform and visor stands on a pickleball court, holding a paddle like a weapon and pointing to a whiteboard that reads “DINK = DATA.”

Pickleball Panic: Is This “Sport” a Government Psy-Op to Track Boomers?

A man in a pink bathrobe holds a Pamprin box with a confused yet enlightened expression, sitting at a desk with BuzzBallz, dual monitors, and an open journal that reads “Mood: Swirly but Okay,” with Star Wars posters behind him.

Pamprin “Changed My Life,” Says Man Who Thought Menstrual Was a Spice

Walter Winkwink, wearing a safari hat and life vest, drifts sideways in a teal kayak on the Au Sable River in Grayling, Michigan, with a frog perched on the bow staring at him. Majestic pine trees line the shore and a bald eagle winks overhead.

REVIEW: Borcher’s AuSable Canoe & Kayak; The River Ride That Ruined My Career in Competitive Lounging

Four primate journalists in rainbow-striped party hats celebrate The Wink Report’s one-year anniversary in a chaotic newsroom, gathered around a chocolate cake reading “WE’RE STILL NOT CANCELLED!”, while a smiling man photobombs in the center, later identified as Greg from Accounting.

One Year of Wink: We Blinked and a Year Winked By

A flip phone drifting in zero gravity with the AOL mail icon glowing on its screen

New Telescope Detects Parallel Universe Where Everyone Still Has AOL Email and Flip Phones

Crying female writer at laptop while Google robot stands behind her with arms crossed, disapproving her fictional story for lacking SEO elements.

Google Flags Fictional Story as Low-Quality Content Without Keywords, Bullet Points

man dripping in sweat with the emergency alert on radio as moist

Emergency Alert System Now Just Screams “MOIST!” Every 20 Minutes

Couple blankly staring at Netflix menu deciding what to watch

New Netflix Series Just 10 Episodes of People Deciding What to Watch on Netflix

Man Standing Triumphant in Front of a Microwave Displaying 808 for Bob Time

Local Man Claims Ownership of 8:08, Demands Respect During “Bob Time”: Family Pretends Not to Know Him

Billionaire Bezos on stilts during Income Inequality Appreciation Day Parade

Billionaires Lobby for “Income Inequality Appreciation Day” National Holiday