Local News

A family of four sits around a Thanksgiving table staring in disappointment at a completely frozen, ice-solid turkey placed on a serving platter like a tragic centerpiece.

Man Preps for Thanksgiving by Googling “How Long Does It Take to Thaw a Turkey (Asking for a Friend)”

November 21, 2025

Plankton sits at his underwater home office desk wearing a headset, startled as a massive whale swims past his window.

Remote Employee Claims to Hear Whale Song Outside His Window, Coworkers Confirm He Might Be Living in Bikini Bottom

November 3, 2025

A tipped-over Pumpkin Spice Latte cup spills foamy liquid into a storm drain surrounded by scattered autumn leaves on a wet street.

Pumpkin Spice Outbreak Reaches Midwest Sewage Systems

November 1, 2025

A shy high school football player holding flowers looks nervously at a smiling volleyball player with a Sephora bag, while her suspicious dad glares from the concession stand at sunset.

High School Freshman Scores First Boyfriend, Dad Forgets How to Breathe

August 28, 2025

Adults play volleyball on a rain-soaked grass court during a thunderstorm, with lightning flashing in the sky as one man confidently serves the ball.

Pop-Up Storm Forms After Local Man Says “It’ll Blow Over”

August 17, 2025

A man in a pink bathrobe holds a Pamprin box with a confused yet enlightened expression, sitting at a desk with BuzzBallz, dual monitors, and an open journal that reads “Mood: Swirly but Okay,” with Star Wars posters behind him.

Pamprin “Changed My Life,” Says Man Who Thought Menstrual Was a Spice

Walter Winkwink, wearing a safari hat and life vest, drifts sideways in a teal kayak on the Au Sable River in Grayling, Michigan, with a frog perched on the bow staring at him. Majestic pine trees line the shore and a bald eagle winks overhead.

REVIEW: Borcher’s AuSable Canoe & Kayak; The River Ride That Ruined My Career in Competitive Lounging

Four primate journalists in rainbow-striped party hats celebrate The Wink Report’s one-year anniversary in a chaotic newsroom, gathered around a chocolate cake reading “WE’RE STILL NOT CANCELLED!”, while a smiling man photobombs in the center, later identified as Greg from Accounting.

One Year of Wink: We Blinked and a Year Winked By

Man Standing Triumphant in Front of a Microwave Displaying 808 for Bob Time

Local Man Claims Ownership of 8:08, Demands Respect During “Bob Time”: Family Pretends Not to Know Him

middle aged man diving for volleyball immediately regrets it

Man in Physical Pain Insists “It’s Totally Worth It” After Diving for Ball No One Asked Him To