About Us
Welcome to The Wink Report, where news meets a touch of whimsy and reality takes a backseat to the extraordinary. When reality is just too serious, you can rely on us for news as reliable as a paper umbrella in a hurricane.
Who Are We?
Great question! We often ask ourselves the same thing. Here at The Wink Report, we’re a ragtag team of experienced daydreamers, amateur fortune tellers, professional idiots, a guy who can juggle fire and knives…at the same time, and full-time coffee enthusiasts who have united under one simple mission: to bring you news that’s about as reliable as a paper umbrella in a hurricane.
What Do We Do?
Well, that’s a bit of a mystery, even to us. Some say we’re a satire news site. Others claim we’re a secret society dedicated to mapping out treasure hunts for people with no sense of direction. What we can tell you is that we specialize in delivering news stories that range from the bizarre to the absolutely unbelievable—and we mean that literally. If it sounds too strange to be true, then it’s probably from us. Or it might just be Monday.
What Is Our Mission?
Our mission is straightforward: to provide you with news that not only informs but also delights. We aim to spark conversations, inspire laughter, and offer a fresh perspective on the world around us. Although our stories are fictional, the wit, creativity, and absurdity behind them are very real.
Why Do We Exist?
We exist because the world is a chaotic place full of serious news, and we thought, “Hey, what if we added more chaos?” Why settle for clarity and facts when you can have confusion and whimsy? Plus, someone once told us that laughter is the best medicine, and we’re here to test that theory. (Disclaimer: We are not doctors, so please consult a real one for actual medical advice.)
We firmly believe that in a world saturated with information, there’s always room for a bit of fun—and we’re here to fill that space.
Our Team
Meet the brilliant minds behind The Wink Report! Or don’t—because, truth be told, we don’t even know who’s who half the time. We’ve got writers who think they’re editors, editors who think they’re writers, and at least one person who’s convinced they’re a raccoon in a human disguise. What we lack in organization, we make up for in…well, we’re still figuring that part out.
Our Process
We approach every story with a rigorous fact-checking process. And by rigorous, we mean we Google it once and call it a day. Sometimes we even read past the first search result. After that, we gather in a secret lair (okay, it’s more of a mildly suspicious-looking office) and brainstorm ideas until something vaguely resembling a news story emerges. Is it true? Who knows! Is it entertaining? Absolutely.
What’s Next?
The future is a big, unpredictable place, kind of like our articles. We have big plans to maybe do some things, probably. Stay tuned as we potentially roll out new features, or maybe just take a nap. We’re not great with commitment, but we are great with creative chaos.
Our Promise
We promise to continue delivering the most absurd, outlandish, and downright confusing news articles on the internet. We’ll never let facts get in the way of a good story, and we’ll always keep you guessing. Remember, here at The Wink Report, the truth is optional, but fun is mandatory!
So, if you’re ready to take a break from reality and dive headfirst into a world where satire reigns supreme, you’ve come to the right place. Buckle up, because it’s going to be a weird ride. Welcome to The Wink Report—where nonsense makes sense! Stay curious, stay amused, and always keep an eye out for that telltale wink.
How can I contact The Wink Report?
Walter Winkwink
Editor-In-Chief
walterwinkwink@thewinkreport.com
Website Support
To report a technical issue with TheWinkReport.com, please submit a request through the DIY Support Center with a detailed summary of your issue and your browser information.
Please note that unsolicited bulk email, email attachments, and junk email of any kind are not accepted, will be filtered and discarded immediately upon receipt.
Can I submit articles or ideas to The Wink Report?
Yes. We will read all of your silly nonsense. We LOVE nonsense. Send us your ideas, but we can’t guarantee that the monkeys in the email department will forward them correctly. So, if you don’t get a reply, our sincere apologies.
How can I apply to work for The Wink Report?
Job postings will be listed on the Careers section of our website. On the exceedingly rare occasions that there are openings for editorial positions, those opportunities will be posted on our Careers page as well.
Please do not send résumés unless specifically told to do so in a job listing. Any unsolicited résumés will be immediately discarded.
What if I have feedback on a Wink Report article?
Leave a comment at the bottom of the article. Duh!
What if I want to sue The Wink Report?
Please do not do that. The First Amendment protects satire as a form of free speech and expression. The Wink Report uses invented names in all of its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The Wink Report is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
What is The Wink Report’s privacy policy?
To read The Wink Report’s privacy policy, please click here.
What if I want to advertise with The Wink Report?
Please send all advertising inquiries to advertising@thewinkreport.com. Please specify the business you would like to advertise, and the appropriate advertising sales representative will get back to you promptly. For more information regarding advertising opportunities with The Wink Report, please consult our Media Kit.
How can I find archived issues of The Wink Report or license its content?
This website contains all of The Wink Report’s articles published from July 2024 through the present. You can browse by topic or search the entire archive by keyword.
The Wink Report may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the publisher. To license material from The Wink Report, please send a request to permissions@thewinkreport.com.