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November 6, 2025
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Remote Employee Claims to Hear Whale Song Outside His Window, Coworkers Confirm He Might Be Living in Bikini Bottom Plankton sits at his underwater home office desk wearing a headset, startled as a massive whale swims past his window.

Remote Employee Claims to Hear Whale Song Outside His Window, Coworkers Confirm He Might Be Living in Bikini Bottom

November 3, 2025
Pumpkin Spice Outbreak Reaches Midwest Sewage Systems A tipped-over Pumpkin Spice Latte cup spills foamy liquid into a storm drain surrounded by scattered autumn leaves on a wet street.

Pumpkin Spice Outbreak Reaches Midwest Sewage Systems

November 1, 2025
High School Freshman Scores First Boyfriend, Dad Forgets How to Breathe A shy high school football player holding flowers looks nervously at a smiling volleyball player with a Sephora bag, while her suspicious dad glares from the concession stand at sunset.

High School Freshman Scores First Boyfriend, Dad Forgets How to Breathe

August 28, 2025
Pop-Up Storm Forms After Local Man Says “It’ll Blow Over” Adults play volleyball on a rain-soaked grass court during a thunderstorm, with lightning flashing in the sky as one man confidently serves the ball.

Pop-Up Storm Forms After Local Man Says “It’ll Blow Over”

August 17, 2025
Pamprin “Changed My Life,” Says Man Who Thought Menstrual Was a Spice A man in a pink bathrobe holds a Pamprin box with a confused yet enlightened expression, sitting at a desk with BuzzBallz, dual monitors, and an open journal that reads “Mood: Swirly but Okay,” with Star Wars posters behind him.

Pamprin “Changed My Life,” Says Man Who Thought Menstrual Was a Spice

July 19, 2025
REVIEW: Borcher’s AuSable Canoe & Kayak; The River Ride That Ruined My Career in Competitive Lounging Walter Winkwink, wearing a safari hat and life vest, drifts sideways in a teal kayak on the Au Sable River in Grayling, Michigan, with a frog perched on the bow staring at him. Majestic pine trees line the shore and a bald eagle winks overhead.

REVIEW: Borcher’s AuSable Canoe & Kayak; The River Ride That Ruined My Career in Competitive Lounging

July 17, 2025
One Year of Wink: We Blinked and a Year Winked By Four primate journalists in rainbow-striped party hats celebrate The Wink Report’s one-year anniversary in a chaotic newsroom, gathered around a chocolate cake reading “WE’RE STILL NOT CANCELLED!”, while a smiling man photobombs in the center, later identified as Greg from Accounting.

One Year of Wink: We Blinked and a Year Winked By

July 15, 2025
Local Man Claims Ownership of 8:08, Demands Respect During “Bob Time”: Family Pretends Not to Know Him Man Standing Triumphant in Front of a Microwave Displaying 808 for Bob Time

Local Man Claims Ownership of 8:08, Demands Respect During “Bob Time”: Family Pretends Not to Know Him

June 29, 2025

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