The “Totally Not Advocating Cannibalism” Shirt – Unisex Garment-Dyed T-Shirt

Description

Listen, folks, we’re not saying eat the rich. That would be uncivilized. We’re merely suggesting that if one were to indulge in a billionaire-based charcuterie board, a bold red pairs quite nicely. It’s just facts.

This premium “Granite” (ominous gray, like the color of a hedge fund manager’s soul) tee features an elegantly subtle suggestion on the front: “I’m Not Saying Eat the Rich, But…”. Perfect for sparking conversation at dinner parties, book clubs, or underground revolutionary meetings.

And on the back? The final chef’s kiss, “I Hear They Pair Well with a Bold Red,” tastefully adorned with The Wink Report logo, because every five-star meal deserves proper sourcing.

This shirt is:
✔️ Comfortable Enough to Wear While Overthrowing Oligarchs
✔️ Ethically Sourced (Unlike Offshore Bank Accounts)
✔️ Guaranteed to Upset Your Wealthy Uncle at Thanksgiving

So go ahead, grab one before the powers that be decide to tax satire. Because if we can’t redistribute the wealth, we can at least redistribute some laughs.

Order now, before they buy all the inventory and sell it back to you at a markup.

Product features
– Available in sizes S to 4XL for a perfect fit.
– Durable double-needle stitching on all seams.
– Constructed without side seams for a sleek look.
– Garment-dyed for a soft color and texture.
– Made from high-quality, ethically sourced US cotton.

Care instructions
– Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
– Do not bleach
– Tumble dry: low heat
– Iron, steam or dry: low heat
– Do not dryclean