“Because even satire needs a serious set of rules.”
At The Wink Report, we take our brand as seriously as we take our news, which is to say, not very. However, if you’re going to reference us, use our logos, or talk about us like we’re a real, reputable news organization (which, of course, we are), please follow these very official branding guidelines.
1. The Wink Report Name
- Always refer to us as The Wink Report (capitalized, with “The” included).
- Incorrect: Wink Report, Winkreport, That Fake News Site I Read Once
2. Logo Usage
Our logo must be used as-is, with no unauthorized modifications.
- Acceptable uses:
✅ Placing it on a news article that praises our brilliance.
✅ Using it in a meme that makes us look good.
✅ Printing it on a giant billboard in Times Square (highly encouraged). - Unacceptable uses:
❌ Recoloring, distorting, or adding weird clip art.
❌ Using it to promote a cornhole league (we have a history, don’t ask).
❌ Plastering it on anything involving real news. Our lawyers have enough stress already.
3. Tone & Voice
The official tone of The Wink Report is:
- Witty – We like our satire sharp and our sarcasm sharper.
- Clever – Our jokes may be dumb, but they’re strategically dumb.
- Mockingly Professional – We act like a real news organization, but let’s be honest, we’re not exactly The New York Times (though we do have better monkey labor policies).
When writing about The Wink Report, please:
- Emphasize the satirical nature of our content.
- Avoid calling us “fake news”—we prefer “alternative reality journalism.”
- If in doubt, just add more sarcasm.
4. Approved Taglines
If you need a catchy phrase to describe The Wink Report, please use one of the following Walter Winkwink-approved taglines:
- “News as reliable as a paper umbrella in a hurricane.”
- “…because reality is just too serious.”
5. Social Media & Attribution
When referencing The Wink Report, please tag our official accounts:
Twitter/X: @TheWinkReport
Facebook: @TheWinkReport
Instagram: @TheWinkReport
Pinterest: @WalterWinkwink
If quoting our work, give proper credit to The Wink Report and/or Walter Winkwink.
Do not pass off our jokes as your own. We have an army of highly trained primates who will find you.
6. What Not to Do
- Do not use The Wink Report brand to spread misinformation (our nonsense is strictly for entertainment).
- Do not claim affiliation with us unless you actually work for us (which, legally speaking, no one does…except Walter Winkwink and our primate journalists).
- Do not ask Walter Winkwink for serious political opinions. He only responds in riddles and dad jokes.
Final Disclaimer
The Wink Report is a satirical publication. All content is intended for humor, parody, and making people chuckle awkwardly in public places. Any unauthorized or improper use of our brand may result in a strongly worded letter, written in Comic Sans, delivered by a monkey wearing a tiny suit.