Political Jokes: “I’m Not Adding Another Log to That Dumpster Fire”
In a bold act of self-preservation (and possibly early retirement planning), Walter Winkwink, Editor-in-Chief of The Wink Report, has officially announced he will no longer be writing about current politics.
“I’m not adding another log to that dumpster fire,” Walter said, wiping his hands like a man who just walked away from a barbecue that exploded. “Political news today satirizes itself. I could set my keyboard on fire, hurl it out a window, and it would still be less dramatic than whatever Trump is doing right now.”
In a move that stunned exactly three people (all of them interns paid in questionable bananas), Walter went so far as to change the Politics category on the site to “Political History”, firmly cementing his commitment to never again dunk on present-day political figures unless they’ve been dead at least 50 years. “Historical figures can’t sue you,” he added with the knowing wink of a man who’s received one too many cease-and-desist letters.
Walter’s reasoning is simple: the political arena has become a self-sustaining roast. Between lawmakers posting memes, conspiracy theorists live-streaming their brain spasms, and debates that resemble low-budget reality TV, The Wink Report’s satirical edge just isn’t needed. “Why mock a system that’s doing a perfectly good job mocking itself?” Walter shrugged, sipping coffee from a mug that reads ‘I Survived the 2024 Election and All I Got Was This Lousy Panic Attack.’
Some critics (mostly a parrot in the newsroom who’s learned to shout “Fake News!”) have accused Walter of cowardice. But Walter insists it’s an act of mercy, for readers and for his blood pressure. “Look, if you want political jokes, just turn on C-SPAN with the sound off and add your own fart noises.”
From now on, Walter says, he’ll be focusing on safer, less-volatile topics, like arguing whether cavemen invented the first political smear campaign when one called the other “uglier than a saber-toothed butt.”
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