Another Year, Another Chance to Blame the Refs
Gary “The Barstool Philosopher” Lagerfield, moments before blaming the refs, the turf, and a suspicious breeze for his team’s loss.
By Guest Contributor: Gary “The Barstool Philosopher” Lagerfield
You smell that? That faint aroma of pre-heated mozzarella sticks, spilled Coors Light, and shattered optimism? That’s football season, baby. And somehow, again, I’ve been roped into running the office NFL Pick’em League.
It started like it always does. A few coworkers “jokingly” said, “Hey Gary, remember how fun it was last year when you ran the league?” Yeah, real fun. Like watching my fantasy team lose to Carl in accounting because he picked his lineup based on uniform colors. But fine. I’ll do it. Again. Because if I don’t, we’ll end up with Susan from HR setting it up in Microsoft Excel and awarding prizes based on “team spirit.”
Let me make one thing crystal clear: this league runs by the people, for the people who scream at their televisions every Sunday until their neighbors call the HOA. And yes, there will be rules. You miss a pick before kickoff? That game is dead to you. No points. No pity. This ain’t daycare. It’s football.
I’ll post the weekly matchups on the company intranet (a lawless wasteland), and you better believe I’ll include my own picks, accompanied by expert analysis like “Jets will lose because they’re the Jets.” None of that fancy analytics nonsense. If you need an algorithm to tell you the Patriots are going to choke, you don’t deserve a plate of nachos.
And yes, I’ll be blamed when your team loses. “Oh Gary, I only picked the Browns because you said they were a ‘lock’.” First of all, shame on you for trusting me. Second, it was the refs. Everyone saw that missed holding call. Just ask the guy next to me at the bar who threw a wing at the TV.
This year’s prize? Pride. And maybe a gift card. But mostly pride. The kind of pride that comes from yelling “KICK THE FIELD GOAL” at a screen that cannot hear you. The kind of pride that burns hotter than the jalapeño poppers you forgot were still in your mouth when the Bengals went for it on 4th and 12.
So here we go. Another season. Another chance to be wrong, loud, and proud.
And another glorious opportunity…
…to blame the refs.
About the Author:
Gary “The Barstool Philosopher” Lagerfield is a self-proclaimed armchair coach, part-time whistle-blower (literally, he carries one to the bar), and the loudest man to ever be shushed during a televised coin toss. Known for his ability to rewrite sports history mid-argument, Gary firmly believes modern athletes are “too soft,” analytics are “witchcraft,” and that his fantasy football losses are legally binding on referees. When he’s not running the office Pick’em League under protest, he can be found holding court at his favorite sports bar, delivering lectures no one asked for to people who can’t hear him over the jukebox. His diet consists of nachos, cheap beer, and pure, uncut nostalgia for the “good ol’ days” when footballs were “made of lead.”
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