Aspiring Satirist Discovers Friends Will “Like” Posts But Never Click Links: A Tragicomedy

SOMEWHERE CLOSE TO DETROIT, MI – Local writer and aspiring satirist Chad Clicksworth has been putting in tireless effort to craft hilariously witty articles for his website, yet his comedic genius remains largely undiscovered. The reason? His closest friends, while generous with their “likes” on social media, remain staunchly opposed to the radical notion of actually clicking the links or even engaging on social media.

“I see the notifications,” Chad lamented. “Dozens of thumbs-ups, even the occasional ‘Haha’ reaction. But when I check my site traffic, it’s just me refreshing the page and a suspiciously dedicated reader from Lithuania.”

Chad’s articles, which he describes as “The Onion meets Mark Twain, if Twain had a caffeine addiction,” have received critical acclaim from himself and one very enthusiastic bot. However, he remains puzzled as to why his work hasn’t reached a wider audience.

“I thought my friends would be my biggest supporters,” Chad said, pausing to nervously check his site’s analytics again. “But it turns out they only support me in the same way they ‘support’ their friend’s pyramid scheme, smiling politely while ignoring the actual product.”

When confronted, Chad’s friends provided an array of compelling reasons for their digital negligence.

“Oh man, I meant to read it! It’s just been a crazy week,” said Steve, who has spent the last 47 hours debating strangers in a Facebook comment section about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

“I love your stuff! I just…uh, don’t read much,” added Chad’s coworker, Jeff, who has somehow managed to binge 12 seasons of a reality show about rich people arguing in hot tubs.

Social media expert Debbie Linkington confirmed Chad’s suspicions. “Algorithms prioritize engagement, meaning likes alone don’t help much,” she explained. “If Chad’s friends would just click the link, comment, or share, his content would reach more people.”

At press time, Chad’s latest article had received 11 likes, one “Wow” reaction, and exactly zero clicks. It was later shared by a complete stranger, proving once again that internet fame only comes when no one knows who you are.