Walter Winkwink

Nation Outsources March Madness Brackets to AI, Asks AI to Also Care About the Outcome

Nation Outsources March Madness Brackets to AI, Asks AI to Also Care About the Outcome

Confused man staring at smartphone showing “Human Update Required” message on screen

Experts Warn Humans May Soon Need Software Update to Keep Up With Their Phones

Hidden stone monastery built into a snowy mountain cliff, surrounded by fog and jagged peaks under a dark sky

Recollections: The Bell That Never Rang

Factory turning confused people into “Internet Experts” after robots feed them Google search snippets and stamp them approved.

Study Finds Reading the First Five Words of a Google Result Makes People Feel Brilliant

A muscular human thumb wearing boxing gloves faces off against a glowing human brain in a dramatic boxing ring under stadium lights.

Scientists Confirm Scrolling Thumb Now Stronger Than Human Willpower

February 25, 2026

Children play imaginatively with cushions, toys, and cardboard in a lab observation room while scientists watch in surprise after a Wi-Fi outage.

Scientists Confirm Children Only Access Imagination During Wi-Fi Outages, Nation Declares State of Playmergency

February 21, 2026

A smiling Barack Obama in a futuristic silver space suit speaks at a podium before a council of colorful extraterrestrials in a cosmic chamber labeled “Galactic Council.”

Obama Didn’t Deny Aliens…Because He Is the Ambassador From Zeta Reticuli

February 19, 2026

A confused young woman in a retro-themed room blows into a Duck Hunt NES cartridge while holding a yellow rotary phone, surrounded by vintage tech and 90s posters.

Everybody’s Exhausted by the Present, So 2026 Is Officially Retro Season Forever

February 18, 2026

Split image showing curling athletes in identical poses. On the left they sweep a curling stone on Olympic ice, and on the right they clean a spilled jar of spaghetti sauce on a kitchen floor.

Curling Team Claims They’ve Been Practicing by Cleaning Kitchen Floors

February 15, 2026

A satirical evolution chart shows humans progressing from early ancestors to a modern person reclined in a chair, surrounded by glowing screens and wearing a VR headset, illustrating excessive screen dependence.

Americans Now Averaging 12 Hours a Day Staring at Rectangle of Some Kind

February 10, 2026