Department of Redundancy Department Releases Redundant Report (Again)
The Department of Redundancy Department’s official workspace, where reports are reported on by reports about reports that were already reported.
In a completely expected surprise that caught everyone by surprise, the Department of Redundancy Department (DoRD) held a press conference yesterday to once again release its long-anticipated report titled An Official Report on Official Reports: A Report. The report, also known internally as “The Report Report Report,” documents the department’s ongoing efforts to document its ongoing efforts.
“This report marks a monumental milestone in our milestone-marking process,” announced Senior Executive Director of Executive Seniors, Phillip P. Phillips, who is no relation to himself. “We’ve officially documented the process of documenting the process of documentation, and have successfully compiled a list of of previously compiled lists, many of which list the lists they were listed in.”
The 173-page report contains 42 pie charts, 17 bar graphs, and one confused intern. Each chart references a previous chart in the same report, which references another report, which references a sticky note found on a printer jam tray labeled “See report.”
Highlights include:
Page 4 – A detailed summary of the report’s table of contents.
Page 5 – A table of contents for the summary of the table of contents.
Page 6 – A warning that the next page may contain pages.
Page 23 – A diagram showing how diagrams should diagram diagrammatic diagramming.
According to page 74, section B, subsection G, paragraph 3 (repeated again in section C for emphasis), the Department spent $3.2 million developing an internal system to track report-related reporting activities. That system, named REDUNDANTRAK, sends weekly alerts reminding staff to report that they’ve received the reminder to report.
“We had to install an email filter just to filter out the filters,” explained Phillips. “It’s working perfectly, redundantly, and repeatedly.”
Critics called the report a “waste of time, time, and more time,” but Phillips responded with a rebuttal appendix appendix. “At least now we know what we already knew, and we know it again.”
The DoRD says it will soon release an appendix to the report, clarifying the report’s relationship to previous reports about the need for reports. When asked if they plan to report on that, a spokesperson confirmed, “Absolutely. Twice.”
Editor’s Note:
Walter Winkwink was last seen muttering, “This is why the aliens won’t land,” before stapling two pages of the report to his forehead and declaring himself “officially unreadable.”
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