Elon Musk Demands 8-Day Workweek to “Optimize My Chill Time”
In his latest bid to redefine reality, Elon Musk has proposed an 8-day workweek, arguing that it’s the only way to ensure that the world’s labor force stays productive enough to support his ever-expanding empire of cars, spaceships, social media meltdowns, and flamethrowers.
“The problem is simple,” Musk explained during an impromptu X (formerly Twitter) Spaces session that lasted 47 hours straight. “I need more time to relax, but that’s impossible when the entire global workforce is slacking off for a full two days every week. We must disrupt the outdated seven-day model.”
Musk’s proposed extra workday, tentatively named “Muskurday,” would fall between Wednesday and Thursday, ensuring that Tesla employees, SpaceX engineers, and unpaid Twitter moderators can “grind harder for humanity” while Musk enjoys more yacht time and tweetstorms.
“This isn’t just about me,” Musk insisted, while simultaneously live-tweeting a meme of a crying billionaire emoji. “This is about efficiency. If my employees worked 14% more, I’d be 14% closer to launching my brain into orbit.”
Opponents argue that Musk already expects Tesla employees to sleep under their desks, while Twitter engineers are required to carry cyanide capsules in case of missed algorithm updates. But Musk dismissed these concerns as “woke nonsense.”
To demonstrate his commitment, Musk promised to work on Muskurday as well, by monitoring Tesla’s productivity from the deck of his $100 million yacht. He also suggested that anyone who didn’t like the new workweek should “just start their own trillion-dollar company,” noting that it’s “super easy, barely an inconvenience.”
The plan has received mixed reactions. While workers across all industries staged immediate protests, Dogecoin investors rallied behind the idea, citing “big bullish energy” and predicting that Musk’s extra day could send DOGE “to the moon, bro.”
At press time, the United Nations was frantically searching for a way to block Musk from buying the concept of time itself.
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