“Going Out of Business” Signs: The Most Reliable Part of 2025
Your mozzarella sticks deserved a better send-off
In a year of record-breaking heatwaves, unstable Wi-Fi, and milk that expires faster than job security, one thing has remained beautifully, tragically consistent: the cheerful glow of a “Going Out of Business” sign.
These neon-orange harbingers of late-stage capitalism have become the unofficial national bird of American strip malls; flapping in the wind, squawking “FINAL SALE” in Comic Sans, and migrating from one forgotten chain restaurant to the next with clockwork precision.
Once-thriving stores like Party City (now Party…Pity?), JoAnn Fabrics (who gave their final stitch this spring), and whatever local bakery you swore you’d visit “someday” have all vanished into bankruptcy court. The only remaining stores are Spirit Halloween (which now doubles as a courtroom annex) and one defiant Claire’s that refuses to die, fueled by tween earrings and raw delusion.
“I don’t even check the weather anymore,” said one shopper. “I just drive past my local shopping plaza. If there’s a new ‘Store Closing’ sign, I know we’re in for economic turbulence and probably rain.”
Retail experts say we’ve entered the “Subscription Apocalypse”; a term they invented to justify charging you monthly for everything, including socks, hugs, and access to your toaster. Brick-and-mortar stores simply can’t compete with same-day drone delivery, AI-curated outfits, or your cousin’s mildly offensive Etsy shop.
Meanwhile, restaurants are falling faster than a mozzarella stick in a grease fire. Denny’s is collapsing. Hooters is hanging on by a single plate of lukewarm wings, and TGI Fridays is filing more often than your uncle’s tax fraud defense.
Despite this, the signs themselves thrive.
“GOING OUT OF BUSINESS” has quietly become a design aesthetic, appearing on throw pillows, crop tops, and as the background of most influencer apology videos.
So the next time you see one of these signs, don’t cry. Celebrate their reliability. Because in 2025, there are only three things you can count on:
- Streaming service price hikes
- “Limited Time Only” flavors no one asked for
- And another storefront quietly dying under a banner that reads: EVERYTHING MUST GO
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