Google’s AI Summaries: The CliffNotes That Forgot the Cliffs…and the Notes
It has come to my attention that some of you are relying on Google’s shiny new AI summaries instead of actually clicking through and reading The Wink Report. I suppose reading my handcrafted satire, meticulously produced by half-awake primates and an under-caffeinated editor, is just too much effort. Why read 350 words when you can read 13 and understand none of them?
Google AL (Artificial Laziness) now offers a “helpful” summary of every article, which is basically a robotic attempt to squeeze my wit into a humorless oatmeal sentence. Imagine asking a microwave to explain jazz. That’s the vibe.
Take one of my recent headlines, “New Study Finds 83% of Americans Think Wi-Fi is a Basic Human Right”. Google’s summary?
“A satirical article suggesting people think internet access is important.”
Oh, thanks HAL, I’m sure that nuance was safely packed in that soulless word box.
Here’s what you’re missing by not clicking: sarcasm, punchlines, primate commentary, obscure references to 1990s game shows, and at least one sentence written solely to confuse English teachers. You think ChatGPT could’ve generated “This is the literary equivalent of replacing steak with wet napkins”? (Okay, maybe it could; but I got there first.)
Look, I get it. Life is busy. You’ve got AI filtering your inbox, AI suggesting your wardrobe, and now AI spoon-feeding you “summaries” like you’re a toddler being force-fed pureed nuance. But let me be clear: a summary of satire is like a karaoke version of stand-up comedy. Technically possible, emotionally damaging.
So here’s a radical idea: Click. The. Link. Read the article. Laugh. Cry. Question your life choices. Maybe even share it. Trust me, your brain will thank you for the stimulation and your funny bone will stop filing complaints.
Because at The Wink Report, we don’t do summaries. We do full-paragraph absurdity, lightly buttered with irony, and served with a side of “did they just say that?”
Now go forth. And scroll with intention.
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