Inflation’s Black Friday Special: Black Friday “Deals” Were Just Last Week’s Prices
This year’s Black Friday had shoppers asking one critical question: Am I being punked? Consumers braved early mornings, aggressive cart-wielding Karens, and caffeine-fueled hysteria, only to discover that the doorbuster deals were about as exciting as a grocery store markdown on canned peas.
The buzzkill? Inflation’s grip on the retail world meant that this year’s so-called “deals” looked suspiciously familiar—because they were just last week’s prices, cleverly repackaged with red tags and a faint whiff of desperation.
“Last year, I got a 75-inch TV for $399,” lamented local bargain hunter Finn Thrifter. “This year, that same TV is $899 on ‘sale.’ I walked out with nothing but existential dread.”
Retailers, however, seem blissfully unaware of the backlash. “We’re offering unparalleled savings!” boasted one big-box store manager, who requested anonymity. “You can save up to 5% on select items if you combine eight coupons, sign up for our credit card, and chant our store’s slogan under a full moon with a blood ceremony.”
Experts argue that inflation is the main culprit, though some suspect a deeper conspiracy. Consumer theorist, Connie Foilhat, claims retailers have weaponized nostalgia. “They’re tricking us into longing for the days when Black Friday felt like an Olympic sport,” she said. “Now it’s like showing up to a marathon only to realize it’s a walking tour…of sadness.”
Shoppers on TikTok have taken to exposing the scam. Viral videos show items with last week’s price stickers conveniently hidden under the “sale” tag. One clip reveals a blender marketed as “50% off” for $99…the same price it’s been since June.
Meanwhile, online shoppers faced their own nightmare. Websites crashed, carts mysteriously emptied, and delivery dates extended into what experts are calling the “13th month of Never.”
Perhaps the real Black Friday special was the friends we lost while fighting over that last toaster. Or maybe it was the newfound realization that we’re all just pawns in capitalism’s cruel game. Either way, one thing is certain: the true deal this year was not participating at all. Maybe Cyber Monday will bring us something to look forward to spending what little we have left.
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