Lions Loss Inspires New Detroit Anthem: “Same Old Song (And Dance)”

DETROIT, MI – Following yet another playoff exit, Lions fans have officially embraced their perennial pain by unveiling a new anthem: “Same Old Song (And Dance).” Written, composed, and emotionally sobbed out by diehard fans, the anthem encapsulates decades of heartbreak in one depressingly catchy tune.

The anthem debuted at Ford Field during a spontaneous post-game gathering of fans who stayed behind to console each other. “We wanted something that really captured the essence of being a Lions fan,” said Billy Shruggs, a lifelong supporter with a “Maybe Next Year, Lions” tattoo and a lifetime of crushed dreams. “We figured if the team can’t give us a win, we can at least write a banger about losing.”

The lyrics pull no punches:

“Same old song and dance, the Lions had no chance,
We thought it was our year, but choked like we always fear.
From Honolulu Blue to bitter gray,
It’s ‘maybe next year’ every day!”

Critics are calling it “the most honest piece of Detroit art since Eminem rapped about his mom’s spaghetti.” The anthem even comes with a choreographed dance that mimics fumbling a football, referees throwing flags, and fans throwing their hands up in despair.

Local radio stations have already begun playing the song on repeat, with one DJ declaring it “Detroit’s new Don’t Stop Believin’, if Journey had no hope.” A TikTok…I mean Instagram Reels trend…has also emerged, featuring fans dramatically lip-syncing the song while throwing away Lions merchandise.

Head coach Dan Campbell reportedly heard the anthem and responded by saying, “I’ll cry to that later tonight. Right now, we’re just focusing on next season…and by focusing, I mean Googling how to break this curse.”

Meanwhile, Lions management announced they are fully supportive of the new anthem, releasing a statement saying, “It’s great to see fans channeling their disappointment into creativity. This song will pair nicely with our ‘Rebuilding Since 1957’ merchandise line.”

As the city once again stares into the abyss of “next year,” one thing is certain: Detroit has finally found a unifying anthem to dance to…as they shuffle toward another offseason of shattered optimism.