Nation Stunned: DOGE Just a Discord Server Moderated by Teenagers Who Say “LMAO” a Lot

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what experts are calling “both shocking and somehow not surprising at all,” a recent investigation has revealed that the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) is not, in fact, staffed by seasoned bureaucrats, but rather a group of underaged teenagers operating from a Discord server named GovGrind69.

The revelation came after a Freedom of Information Act request was met with a one-word response: “bruh.” Suspicious, investigative journalists dug deeper, only to find that DOGE’s official website was filled with memes, GIFs of bureaucrats “taking Ls,” and a suspiciously large number of animated GIFs of Nicolas Cage.

Further scrutiny of the department’s policies raised alarms. A recent efficiency report contained only the words “just do it” in Comic Sans, while an official directive on streamlining tax codes appeared to be an exact copy-paste of someone’s AP Government homework, complete with a “Pls don’t copy” watermark.

“Once we infiltrated their server, it all made sense,” said whistleblower Tina Redtape, who first noticed something was off when a government email response included a “crying laughing” emoji. “The whole thing was run by mods named ‘BigChungus47’ and ‘YeetMaster420.’ Every time I asked about efficiency policies, they just replied ‘skill issue.’”

President Trump, upon learning of the situation, reportedly sighed and muttered, “Kids these days.” Meanwhile, former President Biden expressed his dismay, stating, “I thought we were the ones who were supposed to be out of touch.”

Critics argue this explains years of inefficiency, from government shutdowns to the baffling inability to fix potholes. Defenders, however, argue that under teenage leadership, DOGE actually accomplished more than expected, noting that Discord moderators respond faster than most government agencies.

Congress is now debating whether to shut down the server or simply ask the kids for IT support since, according to sources, “they seem to be the only ones who know how to fix the Wi-Fi.”

As for the teenagers running DOGE, they have declined all official interviews but did issue a statement: “U mad?”