One Year of Wink: We Blinked and a Year Winked By
The Wink Report's editorial team celebrates one year of satire, confusion, and caffeine. (Also pictured: Greg from Accounting, who wandered in for cake and never left.)
On July 7, something momentous happened. And by “something momentous,” I mean I completely forgot it happened.
That’s right, dear reader. I, Walter Winkwink, Editor-in-Chief of The Wink Report, somehow missed our own one-year anniversary. One whole orbit around the sun since our very first satirical article was launched into the void of the internet like a banana fired from a malfunctioning trebuchet. And I missed it.
I was too busy editing an expose on conspiracy pigeons and refereeing a slap-fight between Lil’ Pickles and Faceplant over who ate someone else’s lunch (spoiler: it was Bob). But as the newsroom filled with celebratory confetti cannons (one of which exploded into wet spaghetti, thanks to Diesel), it hit me. We’ve actually been doing this for a year.
Twelve months of toeing the line between satire and accidental prophecy. Fifty-two weeks of monkey-written news, most of which was surprisingly accurate. Three hundred sixty-five days of asking Bob to do something, only to find him in the supply closet organizing paperclips by emotional aura.
It all began on July 7, 2024, with our inaugural article, which historians now refer to as “The Moment Journalism Peaked.” Okay, that historian is me. But still. What started as one man, one laptop, and a group of banana-powered primates has turned into a full-blown satire machine. Albeit one that occasionally forgets its own birthday.
Of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge my loyal assistant, Blob Klen…Klonn? Kli…nope. Bob. Just Bob. He’s still here, still confused, still somehow making things more difficult. But he means well, and sometimes he even makes the coffee.
So now, belatedly but boldly, I raise a banana (and maybe a celebratory IPA) to you, our loyal readers. Whether you’ve been here since Day One or you stumbled in yesterday looking for actual news and stayed out of morbid curiosity, thank you. We’re just getting started.
Year Two? It’s gonna be bananas.
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