Reindeer Sue Over Working Conditions; Cite Lack of Air Traffic Control
Rudolph and the reindeer legal team arrive at the North Pole Courthouse to file a class-action lawsuit against Santa.
In a move that has rocked the North Pole to its frosty core, Santa’s reindeer have filed a class-action lawsuit against Claus Enterprises citing “unsafe working conditions, unregulated flight paths, and chronic glitter inhalation.” The lawsuit, brought forth by legal counsel representing Dasher, Dancer, and a very emotionally damaged Rudolph, claims that Santa has failed to provide basic air traffic control support during high-risk, one-night global operations.
“We’re dodging drones, satellites, and Bezos’ delivery blimps out there,” said Blitzen at a press conference held near a surprisingly upscale gingerbread law office. “Meanwhile, the big guy’s up front singing Bing Crosby and drinking a peppermint mocha.”
According to the 87-page complaint, reindeer have been forced to fly through heavy commercial airspace with zero radar, no insurance, and only vague directions like “head south until you see the glow of late-stage capitalism.” The document also alleges frequent midair near-misses with Amazon Prime drones, one of which “clipped Prancer’s antler and sent a shipment of phone chargers into a nativity scene in Boise.”
Rudolph, once the poster-deer of resilience and holiday cheer, revealed that his red nose is no longer a symbol of joy but a federally mandated anti-collision beacon. “I didn’t sign up to be a flying lighthouse,” he said, blinking rhythmically under North Pole FAA guidelines.
Santa Claus has issued a brief statement from the hot tub behind his workshop:
“I love my team and will review their concerns once I’m done marinating. In the meantime, Christmas is still on schedule, assuming the reindeer don’t unionize or join UPS.”
Meanwhile, elves are whispering of a potential sympathy strike, and Mrs. Claus has been spotted Googling “sleigh Uber alternatives.”
Legal experts say the case could set a precedent for magical creature labor rights. One thing’s certain. This Christmas, the only thing flying higher than the sleigh might be Santa’s legal fees.
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