Retail’s New Profit Hack: The Art of the Oops

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and retail stores have taken a page from the Fast Food playbook. “Accidentally” forgetting to include items in your online orders. The cherry on top? They’re promptly restocking those items to sell again, effectively double-dipping like your shadiest cousin at a family barbecue.

“We took inspiration from fast food leaders,” explained a retail executive, pausing to wipe ketchup off his tie. “If McDonald’s can ‘forget’ your fries 40% of the time and still come out on top, why can’t we? It’s brilliant!”

Take, for example, our Managing Editor, Bruce…or is it Ben? Honestly, I just call him Hey You. He recently ordered eight sets of Christmas lights from Ace Hardware through curbside pickup, driving almost an hour for the specific lights because, apparently, the ones at his local store were too mainstream.

Upon arriving home, brimming with holiday cheer, he discovered his trunk contained only four sets. The other four? Vanished like last year’s New Year’s resolutions. When he called the store, an associate said, “Oh yeah, we put those back on the shelves. Someone else bought them by now. Happy holidays!”

Others have had similar experiences to Bill…er…Brian…uh…whatever.

Betty Bagless, a loyal Meijer shopper, recently placed an online grocery order that included milk for her kid’s cereal. When she unpacked her bags at home, the milk was nowhere to be found. Naturally, she assumed it had been forgotten, so she called the store.

“The guy on the phone said, ‘Oh yeah, we restocked it because it sat too long in the bag.’ Too long? I picked it up in under 30 minutes! I’m not running the Indy 500 here—My kid needs milk!” Betty exclaimed.

To make matters worse, Betty claims Meijer’s online team charged her twice—once for the missing milk and again when she reordered it. “I’ve heard of paying for convenience,” she said, “but this is just lactose larceny!”

Dewey Highman faced a hazy situation at his local dispensary. He ordered a half-ounce of premium cannabis for pickup, but when he got home, the bag contained only rolling papers and a sticker that read Stay Lit.

“When I called to ask where the rest of my order was, the budtender said, ‘Whoa, man, must’ve floated back to the shelf.’ Floated? Seriously? This isn’t Ghostbusters, dude. It’s my Saturday night plans!” Dewey joked.

The dispensary offered him a free pre-roll as compensation, which Dewey described as “the weed equivalent of offering a Tic Tac after forgetting the pizza.” To add insult to injury, they charged a restocking fee for his missing herb.

Turns out, this isn’t just a fluke—it’s policy. Retail employees are now being trained in the fine art of the “Oops Strategy”:

1. Leave out items with a casual shrug.
2. Restock them faster than someone can ask, “Can I speak to the manager?”
3. If confronted, freeze like a mannequin and hope the customer assumes you’re part of the display.

“It’s a win-win,” said one retail manager. “We keep the money, resell the item, and only have to deal with customers who are both angry and have enough free time to call us out. Honestly, it weeds out the complainers. Efficiency, baby!”

Retailers are banking on you being too busy, too tired, or just too apathetic to drive back for your missing spatula or glittery snowman figurine. So next time you pick up an online order, don’t just check your bag—inventory your soul. Because in this economy, even your curbside pickup is playing poker, and you’re the one getting bluffed.