Study Finds 97% of Adults Admit to Watching TV Shows They Pretend to Hate in Public
In an alarming revelation that has shaken book clubs and intellectual coffee shop discussions to their very core, a new study by the Institute of Streaming Regret has revealed that 97% of adults secretly enjoy TV shows they publicly ridicule. Walter Winkwink, Editor-in-Chief of The Wink Report, spoke with participants who admitted to their clandestine viewing habits.
“I don’t watch The Bachelor,” insisted one man, who we’ll call Steve because his real name is Steve. “But if I did, I’d probably have strong opinions about whether Sarah or Jessica deserved the group date rose last week. Hypothetically speaking, of course.”
Walter, always the relentless investigator, pressed Steve further. “So you’re telling me you don’t watch a show where 25 grown adults compete for attention like toddlers hopped up on Capri Sun? Sounds like you’re missing some high-quality drama, Steve.” Steve muttered something about “only watching documentaries” and left with suspicious speed.
One woman, holding a copy of War and Peace at a local cafe, admitted, “I tell people I only stream The Crown. But between us, I haven’t even seen Charles become king. I’m too busy rewatching Love Is Blind and yelling, ‘NO, LOVE IS NOT BLIND, YOU IDIOTS!’ at my TV.”
Walter, with his trademark eyebrow raise, asked, “Do you feel a twinge of guilt yelling at people who think love can transcend looks while eating ice cream in your pajamas?” Her silence spoke volumes.
Even the so-called “cultured elite” aren’t immune. An art gallery curator confessed to Walter, “I only play Succession loudly when guests are over. The rest of the time, I’m curled up with Jersey Shore: Family Vacation. Snooki is my queen.”
Walter, never one to mince words, added his own commentary: “It’s 2025. Life is hard. If you want to hate-watch The Kardashians while pretending you’re researching modern existential crises, own it. I do. And yes, I did cry when Kim didn’t get her private island birthday cake in time.”
The study’s conclusion is clear: next time someone loudly criticizes Emily in Paris, remember, they probably have an Eiffel Tower mug and a playlist called “Songs to Pretend You’re in Paris.” Hypocrites, the lot of them.
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