Trump Unveils Plan to Replace National Anthem with “The Real Slim Shady”
President Trump unveiled his plan to replace the National Anthem with Eminem’s 2000 hit “The Real Slim Shady” during his inaugural speech. Standing at the podium with a massive American flag draped behind him and his signature golden hair gleaming under the spotlight, he declared, “This country needs a new anthem. Something that really speaks to the people. Something that says ‘We’re great, and we know it. And folks, there’s only one song that fits the bill: ‘The Real Slim Shady.’ It’s got rhythm, it’s got attitude, and it’s gonna shake up America in ways you can’t even imagine.”
The decision comes on the heels of his ongoing battle to replace everything “old” with something he deems “better.” The National Anthem, he claimed, was simply “too long” and “doesn’t have the energy.” “We need something that gets people hyped, something that says, ‘We’re here, we’re American, and we’re the best at everything.’ And who better than Eminem? He’s from Detroit. I’m from Detroit, too, in spirit.”
Experts are already forecasting mixed reactions. Historians are baffled. “This is an unprecedented move,” said Dr. Edith Stoneface, a professor of American history at Harvard. “Replacing a centuries-old symbol of national unity with a rap song that includes lyrics like, ‘Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?’ It’s a bit, um, bold.”
Trump, of course, is undeterred. “This song speaks to the people. It speaks truth. And it’s got swag. All the best people know this. We’re going to have it played at all major events. Super Bowl, Olympics, even church services, if you can believe it. This is the future, folks.”
When asked about the backlash from more traditionalists, Trump shrugged. “Look, they can protest all they want. But this anthem is catchy. It’s going to be stuck in everyone’s heads, and they’ll be singing it whether they like it or not.”
And just like that, America may be ready to trade in the Stars and Stripes for a mic drop, because who needs tradition when you’ve got Slim Shady?
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