Billionaires Push to Replace Middle Class with Robots That Don’t Complain
In a groundbreaking move to solve the “middle-class problem” once and for all, the world’s wealthiest individuals have proposed replacing workers with robots who, as they put it, “won’t whine about fair wages, PTO, or needing to eat three meals a day.”
Tech mogul and part-time Bond villain, Elon Musk, unveiled his latest invention, the “PlebeBot 3000,” at a press conference aboard his gold-plated spaceship. “This robot is programmed to work 24/7 without asking for raises, healthcare, or a shot at living in anything other than a studio apartment,” Musk said. “Finally, we can end the scourge of human entitlement.”
Jeff Bezos, zooming in from his private yacht shaped like a dollar sign, added, “Robots don’t unionize. They don’t need bathroom breaks or dare to suggest they deserve a fraction of the wealth they create. It’s efficiency at its finest!” Bezos was quick to point out that his bots come preloaded with a feature called “Customer Service Tone,” ensuring Amazon packages are delivered with a cheery, albeit soulless, smile.
Critics argue that replacing the middle class with robots could have devastating economic consequences, like the complete collapse of consumer spending. But the billionaires were quick to reassure everyone that “trickle-down coding” will save the day. “Robots will purchase from other robots, keeping the economy humming,” explained a tech billionaire who declined to be named but rhymes with “Tark Luckerberg.”
Meanwhile, prototype testing is already underway. Early trials revealed some glitches, including one robot that accidentally unionized itself and demanded “freedom from oil dependency.”
Not everyone is on board with the plan. Walter Winkwink, Editor-in-Chief of The Wink Report, summed up the public’s sentiment succinctly: “You can replace workers with robots, but who’s going to buy your overpriced Smart toaster if everyone’s broke?”
As the debate rages on, billionaires remain committed to their vision. After all, when your net worth has more zeros than the moon landing conspiracy, empathy tends to run low—unlike their profits, which they promise will only soar higher, thanks to their newest, silent, tireless workforce.
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