Burger King Introduces “Emotional Support Whopper” for People Who Cry in Drive-Thrus
When life gets tough, sometimes all you need is a Whopper and a safe place to cry.
In a bold move that experts are calling “either genius or a cry for help,” Burger King has announced the launch of its new Emotional Support Whopper, designed specifically for people who break down sobbing in the drive-thru lane.
The chain says it recognized a growing societal need: the number of Americans openly weeping while ordering fast food has skyrocketed 312% since 2020. Customers cited reasons ranging from “work stress” to “my favorite show got canceled” to the devastating discovery that a McDonald’s McFlurry machine was broken…again.
The Emotional Support Whopper is not your average burger. Each comes in a limited-edition tissue-lined box with a small inspirational note from the King himself, such as:
“You’re valid, even if your fries are soggy.”
“Sometimes life bites first, but take another bite.”
“Crying in public is free refills for the soul.”
To enhance the experience, participating Burger Kings now feature “Comfort Lanes,” where employees are trained to nod sympathetically, avoid eye contact with tear-streaked customers, and say things like, “It’s okay. We all have days where our only friend is a Whopper.”
The rollout comes with a companion app that allows users to log their emotional meltdowns and earn points toward future breakdowns. After five crying visits, customers receive a limited-edition comfort crown with built-in headphones that play lo-fi burger sounds and whispered affirmations: “You are enough. Also, extra pickles.”
Skeptics have accused Burger King of exploiting vulnerable customers. The company responded by pointing out that Starbucks has been selling $8 “emotional support lattes” for years and that Taco Bell is basically “a public therapy session with hot sauce packets.”
Psychologists, meanwhile, are divided. Dr. Moira Gristle of the Center for Culinary Mental Health warns that “relying on cheeseburgers for validation can reinforce harmful coping habits.” Her colleague Dr. Randy F. Nuggins disagrees, claiming he personally “resolved three childhood traumas” after double-fisting two Whoppers and a Hershey’s sundae pie in his car behind a CVS.
Burger King insists the Emotional Support Whopper isn’t a gimmick, though marketing materials also encourage customers to share photos of themselves crying with the hashtag #CryYourWay for a chance to be featured on the company’s Instagram. Early posts include a man in business attire clutching his Whopper like a newborn and a college student whispering, “You’re all I have left,” to a large Coke.
If successful, the chain plans to expand the concept with Grief Nuggets and the Post-Breakup Onion Ring Bouquet, ensuring that, no matter how hard life gets, at least someone will supersize your feelings.
More Stories from The Wink Report
- McDonald’s Testing $100 “McLuxury Nuggets” Made from an Endangered Bird (It’s Fine, They’re Regenerating It with AI)
McDonald’s is now flogging $100 “McLuxury Nuggets” allegedly plucked from an endangered bird, because AI resurrection is the only way we’ll pay premium for processed chicken and feel virtuous doing it. - Pepsi’s “New Formula” Found to Be Just Old Coca-Cola; Shareholders Demand Answers
Pepsi unveils a “new formula” that turns out to be a fridge swap; old Coca‑Cola in different packaging; and now shareholders want a refund and maybe a refund on their taste buds. - Leaked Internal Memo: McDonald’s Staff Told to “Just Nod” If Customers Ask What’s in McRib
Turns out McDonald’s official answer to “what’s in the McRib?” is ‘an awkward head nod and a smile. No messy explanations required!
About The Author
