George Washington: First in War, First in Peace, First in Nachos?

Move over, Martha, because America’s first president may also be its first nacho connoisseur. That’s right. George Washington, the man who couldn’t tell a lie, allegedly couldn’t tell a waiter “no cheese.”

Historical documents recently unearthed reveal Washington’s secret obsession with nachos. Forget wooden teeth, this founding father supposedly had a mouthful of queso-covered wisdom, championing liberty, justice, and jalapeños.

Legend has it that during the harsh winter at Valley Forge, morale was at an all-time low. Soldiers were starving, the weather was brutal, and powdered wigs were no match for frostbite. Desperate to boost his troops’ spirits, Washington ordered his chef to create a dish that could “unite the palate in pursuit of happiness.” The result? The first-ever nachos, made with hardtack chips, melted goat cheese, and a sprinkle of courage.

It worked. Soldiers were allegedly so inspired by this culinary marvel that they marched into battle shouting, “Freedom is nacho business!”

At Mount Vernon, Washington’s estate, the menu was said to feature a dazzling array of nacho varieties: Buffalo Bunker Bites, Redcoat Reapers, and the crowd-favorite Democracy Deluxe, piled so high with toppings, it defied the tyranny of gravity. Guests were encouraged to “build their own nacho nation,” emphasizing unity through guac.

While historians have yet to confirm the nacho rumors, conspiracy theorists are all over it. Some believe the Declaration of Independence was originally written on the back of a nacho platter menu. Others claim the “N” in Washington, D.C., stands for “nacho.”

Of course, skeptics insist this is all ridiculous, but let’s be real. Would you put it past a guy who crossed the Delaware in a snowstorm just for a surprise attack? A nacho run seems perfectly plausible.

So, was George Washington America’s nacho pioneer? There’s no definitive proof, but if freedom tastes like nachos, you can bet he’d say, “Pass the salsa.”