Blessed Be the Bud: Confused Pastor Quotes Snoop Instead of Scripture
LONG BEACH, CA – A sleepy Easter service in Long Beach got a little too lifted this Sunday when longtime pastor Reverend Gary “G-Money” Henshaw delivered what he called “a high-level sermon”, only later admitting he accidentally swapped out Bible verses for Snoop Dogg lyrics.
The trouble began when Rev. Henshaw joyfully declared to a packed congregation:
“With so much drama in the L-B-C, it’s kinda hard bein’ J-E-S-U-S.”
Several elderly parishioners gasped, while the church youth group erupted into spontaneous applause and started beatboxing over the offertory.
The sermon, intended to center on the resurrection of Christ, instead became an impromptu breakdown of Doggystyle and The Chronic (which, to be clear, is not a liturgical season). Midway through his message, Henshaw looked skyward and proclaimed, “Bow wow wow, yippie yo, yippie yay. Our Lord’s got the keys to the pearly gates.”
Sources confirm that the reverend had mistaken a bag of “holy herbs” gifted by his cousin Terrence for the Easter incense. “I thought it was rosemary,” he told reporters. “Turns out it was Rose Mary Jane.”
When referencing the Last Supper, he added, “We don’t love them Pharisees…they tried to hate on the G.”…before nodding solemnly and saying, “If the Lord don’t save ya, He gon’ lay ya down smooth like a G thang.”
The choir attempted to intervene with “Christ the Lord is Risen Today,” but Henshaw interrupted with, “Hold up. They tried to seal the tomb, but the Lord said ‘Drop it like it’s shut…then pop it like it’s not.’”
While a formal inquiry is underway, several board members confessed the service “slapped harder than any Easter we’ve ever hosted.” They couldn’t ignore the fact that Easter Sunday had standing-room only and a 4.8-star rating on WeedMaps. Many returned for the 11am “Reefer and Resurrection” service, where communion was served with Ritz crackers and paired with Welch’s grape Cali Red.
Rev. Henshaw is currently on leave, vibing in a foggy tent behind the church, where he reportedly told a passing squirrel, “It ain’t no fun…if the Holy Ghost can’t have none.”
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