Michigan Man Sues Dispensary After Getting Too High and Eating $300 Worth of His Own Groceries
FERNDALE , MI – A Michigan man is taking legal action against a local dispensary after claiming their cannabis was “way too strong,” leading him to accidentally consume an entire week’s worth of groceries in one sitting.
Todd “Just Here for the Free Snacks” Bratson, 37, filed a lawsuit against Sofa King High Dispensary after allegedly underestimating the potency of their “Cosmic Couch Lock” indica strain. Bratson claims the product did not come with an adequate warning label, leaving him completely unprepared for what he describes as “an out-of-body experience featuring nacho cheese and deep regret.”
“I went in expecting a chill night watching reruns of COPS, but the next thing I knew, I was knee-deep in peanut butter with a torn-up loaf of bread,” Bratson said. “By the time I came to my senses, I had destroyed $300 worth of premium, locally sourced, organic groceries that were supposed to last me the week.”
According to court documents, Bratson consumed an entire frozen pizza while it was still frozen, devoured two family-sized bags of Flaming Hot Cheetos (despite claiming to have a “low spice tolerance”), and somehow managed to drink an entire bottle of Hidden Vallley Ranch like a protein shake.
Legal experts say Bratson’s case is unique, as no known laws prevent consumers from being victims of their own bad decisions. However, Bratson’s lawyer, Gregory Suewell, argues that dispensaries should be held responsible for “recklessly supplying dangerously delicious munchie-inducing products.”
“This man is a victim,” Suewell stated. “Now he has no food, a credit card bill he wasn’t expecting, and an irrational fear of his own refrigerator.”
Sofa King High Dispensary has responded by offering Bratson a complimentary bag of “Self-Control Gummies”, a CBD-infused placebo. However, he has refused, demanding “justice and possibly a reimbursement for the artisanal cheeses that never stood a chance.”
At press time, Bratson was last seen at a local grocery store, looking at a shopping list with an expression of deep, philosophical contemplation.
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