Nation Agrees Everything Is Too Expensive, Immediately Does Nothing About It
Just a few essentials, and one aggressively priced surprise.
In a stunning display of collective awareness followed by immediate inaction, the entire nation confirmed Thursday that yes, everything is, in fact, way too expensive, and no, there are currently no plans to do anything about it.
The announcement came shortly after millions of Americans independently stared at their grocery receipts in silence, nodded once, and whispered, “That seems high,” before continuing on with their day.
“I spent $76 and I don’t even remember buying anything,” said local resident Brent Paymore, gently rotating a bag containing yogurt, a loaf of bread, and what he believes might be a single bell pepper. “I thought about doing something about it, but then I got a notification about a limited-time sale and completely forgot what I was mad about.”
Economists have labeled the phenomenon “Passive Financial Despair,” a condition in which individuals fully recognize rising costs but lack the emotional energy to respond in any meaningful way.
“We’re seeing unprecedented levels of awareness paired with historically low levels of action,” explained Dr. Lila Markup of the Institute of Obvious Studies. “People know groceries are expensive, gas is expensive, insurance is expensive, yet the most common response is a long sigh followed by opening another app.”
The trend appears to extend far beyond groceries. Reports indicate that Americans are now routinely encountering higher costs in nearly every aspect of life, including housing, utilities, dining out, and even the deeply confusing realm of “fees that appear after you’ve already decided to pay.”
“I got charged a convenience fee for the inconvenience of being charged,” said another resident, staring blankly into the middle distance. “At this point, I assume breathing will be a subscription by 2027.”
Despite widespread frustration, experts say meaningful change remains unlikely due to a combination of fatigue, distraction, and the overwhelming convenience of simply accepting things as they are.
“People are tired,” said Markup. “They’ve already used up most of their energy trying to remember passwords and decide what to watch. Organizing a response to rising costs feels…ambitious.”
In response, several corporations have announced plans to continue raising prices “until someone does literally anything about it,” citing strong early indicators that no one will.
At press time, the nation had briefly considered cutting back on spending, before rewarding itself for the idea with a $9 coffee and a quiet sense of resignation.
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