Spotify Blamed for Unsolicited Christmas Ads Mid-Carol

In a shocking turn of events, Spotify has been accused of single-handedly dismantling the holiday spirit after a recent spate of unsolicited Christmas ads disrupting listeners mid-carol. Reports flooded in from outraged families trying to enjoy the sacred moment of “Silent Night,” only to be bombarded with ads for 50% off inflatable reindeer, a new Hallmark movie titled Mistletoe Mayhem, and—most offensively—an ad proclaiming, “Mariah Carey is back!”

“It was devastating,” said Clara Winters, a suburban mom from Omaha. “The kids were finally sitting still, the eggnog was flowing, and then BAM! Some guy yells, ‘Have YOU found the perfect Christmas sweater? Click NOW!’ My youngest hasn’t stopped crying.”

Spotify, the tech overlord we all love to hate, issued a statement claiming the ads were “festively timed.” A company spokesperson said, “Our goal is to spread holiday cheer…and also to remind free users that they’re basically peasants.”

However, a leaked memo from inside Spotify revealed that the interruptions were part of an initiative dubbed Operation Sleigh-tanic, designed to “maximize ad revenue while minimizing goodwill.” Sources suggest the program targeted the most emotional moments in holiday songs. “We specifically aimed for the climax of O Holy Night and the first verse of The Little Drummer Boy,” admitted one anonymous insider. “Nothing screams Christmas like an ad for 24-hour gym memberships.”

The backlash has been swift. A TikTok boycott campaign, #SilentNoMore, has gone viral, with users reenacting their ruined holiday experiences. One particularly poignant video showed an elderly couple trying to kiss under the mistletoe, only for Spotify to blast a promo for “EDM Christmas Mega Mix, Volume 8.”

Spotify Premium users, meanwhile, have smugly taken to social media to boast about their uninterrupted playlists. “Can’t relate,” tweeted @ElitistElfa, alongside a photo of her artisanal gingerbread house.

As for the rest of us? We’ll just have to sing louder than the ads this season. Or, as Spotify might suggest, upgrade to Premium and let freedom (and sleigh bells) ring.