Wife’s Psychic Abilities Confirmed After Husband Forgets to Read Her Mind Again

In a groundbreaking revelation that has left relationship experts speechless, local husband Mike Hapless, 42, has once again failed to read his wife’s mind, confirming what many wives have long suspected: they possess superior telepathic abilities.

The incident occurred last Friday evening when Mike, oblivious to the cosmic expectations placed upon him, failed to correctly interpret his wife’s subtle, yet painfully obvious, signals. His wife, Emily, had simply sighed dramatically while staring at the living room wall. An action that clearly meant, “I want you to suggest we repaint this room in a soft sage green without me having to say it.”

Instead, Mike responded with, “Everything okay?”. A mistake so grievous it nearly altered the space-time continuum.

“He should have just known,” said Emily, shaking her head in disappointment. “I gave all the signs. The sigh. The distant gaze. The slight tilting of my head, which obviously translates to ‘Pick up on my unspoken desires immediately, or face the consequences.’”

This is not the first time Mike has suffered from a mind-reading deficiency. Just last month, he incorrectly assumed that Emily’s answer of “I don’t care, you pick” when choosing a restaurant meant he could actually pick. When he suggested Mexican food, her glare reportedly dropped the room’s temperature by 10 degrees.

Experts say Emily’s case is further proof that wives across the world possess telepathic abilities that remain mysteriously undetectable by their husbands.

“Studies show that when a wife says, ‘Do whatever you want,’ she is actually testing her spouse’s ability to make the correct choice, which is, of course, the exact thing she wanted in the first place,” said Dr. Susan Hintzwell, a leading researcher in Marital Mind Games and Subtle Manipulation.

As for Mike, he has since apologized for his inability to function as an omniscient being and has agreed to take an intensive, self-guided course titled “How to Read Between the Lines Before You Die Alone.”

Meanwhile, Emily has assured him that she is “fine,” which scientists confirm means she absolutely is not fine.