Survey Finds 80% of Parents’ Vocabulary Consists of “Because I Said So”

A new survey conducted by the National Institute of Repetitive Parenting (NIRP) has revealed that an overwhelming 80% of what parents say to their children on a daily basis boils down to the timeless phrase: “Because I said so.”

The study, which tracked 2,000 parents over the course of one week and one very loud grocery store meltdown, found that most parental conversations are a rotating playlist of pre-programmed responses including:

“We’ll see.” (We won’t.)

“Money doesn’t grow on trees.” (Unless you’re a YouTuber, apparently.)

“Ask your father/mother.” (Because passing the buck is a parental artform.)

Lead researcher Dr. Gail Overit says the phrase “Because I said so” has become the Swiss Army knife of parenting. “It works in every situation,” she explained. “Homework? ‘Because I said so.’ Why can’t you have a pet llama? ‘Because I said so.’ Why can’t you eat ketchup popsicles for breakfast? You guessed it.”

The phrase has proven so effective that parents have started using it in workplace meetings, HOA disputes, and IRS audits. One father reportedly used it on a TSA agent and somehow got waved through with three jars of homemade chili and a suspiciously humming lunchbox.

Linguists are baffled by the durability of the phrase, noting that it predates the invention of modern logic and possibly the wheel. Ancient cave drawings depict early parents grunting “Ugh said so” while confiscating prehistoric slingshots.

Children, for their part, remain unconvinced. “It’s not even an answer,” said 8-year-old Dylan who demanded to know why he couldn’t glue a popsicle stick to the cat. “It’s just a power move.”

Despite criticism, the phrase is expected to remain in heavy rotation, especially during bedtime negotiations and school drop-offs. Meanwhile, a spin-off phrase, “Because I’m the adult”, is currently being beta-tested by tired teachers, youth pastors, and underpaid babysitters nationwide.

Stay tuned for our next investigative report: “New Dad Unable to Say Anything Without First Letting Out a Loud Sigh.”