Year: 2026

Wealthy businessmen push an enormous golden shopping cart filled with homes, factories, cars, and skyscrapers while a struggling family stands beside nearly empty grocery shelves.

Nation’s Wealthiest Finish Buying America, Generously Agree to Let Everyone Else Keep Working

November 1, 2026

Police officers investigate a mysterious Halloween candy theft outside a decorated suburban home, examining scattered candy and an overturned trick-or-treat bucket beneath flashing police lights.

Local Police Investigating Massive Halloween Candy Theft

October 31, 2026

A massive, ancient tree with twisted roots and copper-orange leaves stands in a lush green forest clearing at sunset. Eye-like knots appear in its gnarled bark as autumn leaves swirl mysteriously around it.

Recollections: The Tree That Watches

October 12, 2026

A humanoid household robot dressed like a maid carries groceries toward a modern home while a golden retriever watches from the lawn. A personal flying vehicle sits in the driveway with a futuristic city skyline in the distance.

New Technology Suggests We’re Finally Getting the Future We Were Promised

October 2, 2026

Humanoid AI robot named Employee of the Month calmly works at a laptop while an exhausted employee sits amid a chaotic, paperwork-filled office.

Businesses Embrace AI After Discovering It Can Be Wrong Much Faster Than Humans

September 30, 2026

Retro-futuristic AI financial advisor on a laptop screen recommending investments in artificial intelligence, semiconductors, data centers, robotics, and automation.

AI Investment Advisor Has Absolutely No Conflict of Interest, AI Confirms

September 25, 2026

A basement support group of Detroit football fans in blue and silver, gathered beneath a banner reading “The Optimism Support Group,” with a wall chart titled “Previous Years We Also Said This.”

Detroit Lions Fans Begin Annual Tradition of Saying “This Year Feels Different”

September 14, 2026

Costco shopper with an overloaded cart is stopped by an Adult Supervision Specialist while holding a short shopping list.

Costco Introduces New Membership Tier Where Employee Follows You Around and Stops You From Buying Stupid Stuff

August 30, 2026

Office worker wearing a headset smiles at his desk as a green gas cloud spreads behind him and disgusted coworkers react.

How to Fart at Work: A Professional Guide to Passing Gas Without Destroying Your Career

August 26, 2026

Walter Winkwink, Bob Klann, and the exhausted Wink Report newsroom staff emerge from a massive underground tunnel beneath a sprawling data center complex at night. Endless cables snake across the muddy ground and up the hillside while flickering server lights glow inside the tunnel. The team is exhausted after weeks underground. A rusted warning sign reading “THE FEED NEVER SLEEPS” hangs beside the tunnel entrance as the group walks toward society under a dark, stormy sky.

The Wink Report Returns After The Second Summons